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Male Code Of Ethics Follow The Damn Rules
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1.
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Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
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2.
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Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
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3.
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Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his fellow partygoers.
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4.
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When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest,
shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide
any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to
deny his very existence.
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5.
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Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
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6.
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You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B.S.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a woman, the allowable exaggeration rate
rises to 400 percent.)
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7.
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If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever
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8.
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The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running
late is five minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every
point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
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9.
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Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden.
You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
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10.
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No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact,
even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
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11.
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Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to
hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed
and end up together, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor
party.
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12.
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Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he,
in return, is required to grant it.
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13.
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Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing
clean.
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14.
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If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.
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15.
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The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
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16.
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A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
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17.
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Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of
meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant
others --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.
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18.
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When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
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19.
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When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with
your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your
buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
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20.
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It is permissible to consume a fruity drink only when you're sunning on a
tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
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21.
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Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
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22.
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A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
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23.
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If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump
into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused
you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'." Then you may sit
back and enjoy.
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24.
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Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both. That's just plain mean.
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25.
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If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his
beer.
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26.
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Never talk to a man in the bathroom.
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27.
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If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join
him.
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28.
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Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one
intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver
a "leave me alone!" you are absolved of your responsibility.
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29.
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Under NO circumstances may you ask a friend "do I look fat in this outfit" sent in by flood from the UK
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