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Wild College Spots
The Wildest 20!
Written by Kid Bacardi
Friday April 4, 2003- The Drunk Fest Crew (Kyle, Strauss, Mike, Paul, Brodie, Frank, Bird, Scott, Ramdick, and Jake) went to South East Missouri State (SEMO)and ripped that school a new asshole.
6:30 pm-Arrived at the Theta Xi house. Nobody was drinkin' so we made an executive decision to find some booze.
8:00 pm- We went to party at the Sig Tao house and started boozin'. Played some naked picture hunt. There was no ass to be found.
9:15 pm- Kyle ran through sorority houses to find sluts to come party. Some bitch got real pissed off that Kyle was wearing a shirt that said "Breakin' Hearts And Bustin' Hymens". Kyle told some sluts that didn't want to go out that he would come back when he was trashed.
10:00 pm-Got to the bar via a ride from a sweet townie with a sweet do it yourself tattoo. The townie sat there and talked to us about molesting children.
10:30 pm- Kyle and Strauss got some fucked up shot at the bar that had 151 in it. Some bitch asked Kyle if he was Mexican and he ripped the fuck out of her. So Strauss told the bitch that she was a dumb cunt and that he wouldn't fuck her with Brodie's Dick and having Ramdick pushin. Ramdick and Brodie (the Virgin) were trying to get in her pants all night (she wasn't that hot).
11:00 pm- Shit started to get blurry. Saturday March 5, 2003
12:30 am- Kyle tried to pick a fight with some dude because he fell off the stage and some random told Kyle that he was wasted. Kyle said, "Fuck that guy, I know I'm drunk."
1:00 am- We rode a bus home from the bar and boozed all the way.
1:15 am- Went back to the Sig Tao house and we wanted to fuck. Strauss started to hit on some girl right in front of her boyfriend. Kyle went off to find some drugs. He couldn't find any though.
1:45 am- Kyle started raiding sorority houses. He told some girl that he was looking for Lindsey and she just let him in. Lindsey wasn't awake so he just decided to steal a composite. He ran out of the house and fell down a muddy hill.
2:30 am- Mike and Kyle went to the dorms with some sluts and Mike traded his sweet "Breankin' Hearts and Bustin' Hymens" shirt for some guy sorority shirt. Then Ramdick traded his shirt for another gay sorority shirt.
2:45 am- Bird goes to steal a composite. After he gets out of the house he starts to head back to the Theta Xi house. On his way back he is spotted by a couple girls. Bird decides to through the composite in the bushes and act like he is passed out on the ground. When the girls come over to see what is going on he stands up and starts saying all types of fucked up shit. "No pickles, no cheese, no locked doors, etc." The girls look at him as if he is some meat head and walk away scared. Then some fag comes out and finds the composite and takes it back. Yet again another failed attempt on stealing so sweet shit.
3:00 am- Kyle disappeared into the A Chi O house and Strauss found him passed out in some chicks bed.
3:30 am- Mike and Strauss go to the A Chi O house and steal a composite. They got out of the house with it.
4:15 am- Strauss and Mike picked up the A Z D composite at the Sig Tao house on the way out of town. After grabbing the composite Strauss got pulled over by a cop. He had no license, was drunk as fuck and had no insurance. The cop asked if anyone was drunk and Mike yelled that he was. The cop then asked Strauss if he had been drinkin'. Strauss told him that he hadn't and the cop, the cop looked at him hard and then just agreed that he had not been drinking. The cop decided that he would follow them to take the composite back. After that task was done we said fuck SEMO and headed back to Carbondale.
5:00 am- Arrive back in Carbondale. When we get out of the car we realize that we had stolen three cases of beer from someone. So Bird and Strauss deiced that it would be a good idea to pop some caffeine pills and to drink until the pass out. All the sudden they get the idea to snort the caffeine pills, let me tell you not a good idea, burns like a mother fucker. At about eight in the morning Strauss decides that it is time for Kyle to wake up and start drink. So he goes to car where Kyle is sleepin and starts to kick the shit out of Kyle. The shit looked like the beat down for Menace II Society. After kicking Kyle for about twenty minutes Strauss gives up and goes back to drink more beer. Finally passed out with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other Oh yeah…we left Frank with some fat bitch in SEMO. Don't disappear if nobody else is fuckin'.
P.S.- Brodie finally got laid.
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