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Livin’ In the Ghetto

Written by Kid Bacardi

          Thursday night when I finally got back it Carbondale, I headed straight to the house to start boozing. It was kinda dead , but it was also kind early, so we all just started pounding jungle juice and bull shitting. Me and Jeremy had decided earlier in the week that our room for Spring Break was gonna Put up bigger numbers than the other two rooms put together, and we were now talking shit to Rich about it. He told me that I could probably take that title myself, which I wont argue with. He then said that broads over 35 don’t count. What the fuck is that? Over 35 should count double, because more than likely, that is some ones mom. After a while, the usual crowd rolled in and people were starting to get drunk. For some reason, a herd of cattle showed up, and it was one of their birthdays. She was dressed in pink with some ridiculous ass flashing crown and a boa. This bitch looked like a fucking bottle of Pepto Bismal. She started bitching about wanting to hear her “birthday song” and I told her she needed to chill the fuck out and stop yelling. She said, “it’s my birthday, I don’t give a fuck what you say.” I looked at this bitch dumbfounded and said to her, “you must not know who the fuck I am.” I reached out to shake her hand and said with a huge grin on my face, “I’m Kyle.” She gave me a look like I know who you are and then avoided me for the rest of the night. Some one finally turned this bitch’s song on and I headed outside for a smoke. By the time I was rolling back in from my smoke the song was over and I instantly took her CD out and dumped it behind the stereo. That shit was getting no more play. The juice was starting to take its effect but these fat girls were really fucking up the program so I decided that it was time to roll out to GII. Don’t really know much of what happened after that. I eventually said fuck it and went to grab some Don Taco and rolled home.
          Friday, I woke up and some girl was in my bed. I was still drunk so I just left, but when I came home on break, she was still there. I woke her up and told her what time it was, so she got up and left. After work I head to the house to find Fratastic Friday in full swing. A bunch of us decided that we should go to the Martini Party at Carboz. It was supposed to be “high roller” so we all decided to throw on shirts and ties and look presentable. I made an executive decision to wear my Joe Camel tie, and Peters decided that putting a tie on with his polo was the only way to roll. Jeremy and I got to Carboz around 8:15 and the line was ridiculous. The word in line was that the liquor store was giving out free samples of Bacardi Apple. We decided to start taking trips for free booze. On Jeremy’s last trip, he came out with a 22 of Budweiser Select, which we quickly pounded just in time to be let in the bar. We headed straight to the martini bar for our first drinks. It took about 20 minutes just to get these drinks, and I made that poor choice of running a tab at the busiest bar in the place. Just as I was about to grab round two, Peters rolled in all sorts of fucked up and belligerent. Before I could even make my way to the bar, he was calling the bartender a fag. And with that my change of grabbing a quick drink or even close my tab went out the window. Some other fag started talking shit to Peters from the other side of the bar, so I instantly was involved. I walked over and pushed the kid into the wall and told him that he, “wasn’t big enough to talk in the bar.” He tried to back me off, but when he realized how fucking serious I was, he bitched out and told one of the bouncers. This big ass bouncer comes up to me and Peters and tells us that if get out of hand again, we are gone. I try to explain to this asshole that the fucking snitch started the whole shit, but he wasn’t trying to hear my drunkin rants. He walked away, which only put us in a more explosive mood. As I was attempting to close out my tab, I ran into this girl that I knew. She wanted me to grab her a drink, but after about 10 minutes of being over looked by every fucking bartended in the place, we decided to go to the other bar. I quickly grabbed a drink and then went back to the first bar to close my tab. It took me about another 20 minutes to get the fucks to run my tab and then they informed me that since I had only six dollars on it I had to buy a few more drinks. I elected for two more Ciclone and cokes and signed my tab, leaving no tip. Fuck those slow ass cats. So now I was double fisting rum and coke and had no idea where anybody was. I started wondering around the bar trying to find anyone that I knew that was interesting enough to talk to in the state of mind that I was in. I finally ran into Jesse and we decided that going to GII was the move to make. We decided to find some people to roll out and then left. At this point in time, I had no idea what was going on and all concept of time had been lost. GII was still slow when we got there but was packed in no time (or maybe it took a while, still no concept of time). The last real memory that I have is watching a group rumble break out between the dance floor and the DJ booth. I had no clue who was fighting or why but I headed straight for the middle of it. While I was in route, Jeremy grabbed the back of my shirt and told me that I didn’t need to get in that mix. For some reason I listened to his voice of reason. Later, I found out that the fight started because some fucking dork walked in with a group of friends and was wearing an “I hate fat guys” shirt. Some body took offence to it and decided that a beat down was needed. The best part of the whole thing is that only the kids that got their asses beat got kicked out. I guess they made some poor choices that night. Soon after the fight I headed out with a girl that I had met and went to her place.
          I got home Saturday afternoon around 1:30 and headed over to the house. Everyone but Jesse and Bantz had gone to some community service shit and where now drinking at some townie bar. Jesse and I decided that we should get 40’s and drink on the front porch while listening to NWA. Now that’s gangsta. As we sat and indulged in our fine malt liquor, we decided that we should make the front yard look like a prison yard. We dragged out all the weights and a weight bench from the house to decorate the yard. The malt liquor was taking us right back to were we had left off the night before. Everyone showed up back at the house wasted, and the ghetto party started. Jesse saw some kid across the street, all thugged out, so he decided to go talk to him. Jesse started flashing gang signs and then tried to get the kid to come drink with us. Unfortunately the offer was declined, but we quickly moved on. It was starting to get dark and I was running out of beer, so I decided to go take a shower. Two hours after I went home I woke up and jumped in the shower. I headed back to the house and arrived just in time to start a power hour. After the first 20 minutes, some body suggested we do a “last man standing” and I agreed. Some people went back to Carboz for the jello wrestling but I decided to stick to the game at hand. Carrot and I ran out of beer, so we decided to head to the bar. I have many times before this night proved to everyone that I am, “THE LAST MAN STANDING”, so I have no problem with bowing out of a drinking contest. As I left a bunch of girls followed me out, instantly getting a negative reaction from the other girls there. The bar was a fucking haze as usual and I was doing my damnedest to get a Goddamn Banana Congac. I guess they don’t make that shit there so I settled for whisky. I starting talking to a few girls, but none of them were interesting enough to hold my attention. I started seeing too many girls that I knew there, so I was of coarse ducking them in search of something better. Out of no where the bar closed so I went to go pay my tab. For some reason I had no tab, but I sure as shit drank all night. I headed back to the house and there was no fucking beer. I got up with this girl that I knew and we set out to find a party. After 3 more fell through we decided to call it a night and head home. My question is, “WHO THE FUCK HAS AFTER HOURS WITH NO FUCKING BEER? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT?”

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