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- - - -

Day One

Written by Kid Bacardi

          It’s Saturday morning and we have been on Spring Break for a day and a half. One the way down here, some sixty year old bitch fucking mooned us. We got to Gainesville at 6 in the morning had a drink and passed out. I was the first to get up, at 11, and start drinking. Everyone else got up and started drink soon after. We all mixed drinks and decided to head to campus Pamela
Anderson (University of Florida). All we wondered around campus boozing, we saw some political fucks handing out flyers and ranting and raving about all sorts of shit. Peters and I decided that we needed to have one of the shirts that these fucks were wearing. They told us they couldn’t sell them to us, but if we campaigned for them we could have em for free. They gave us two shirts, stickers, and flyers and we were off. We handed all them shits out and then just started running around, fucking with people. I was wasted and some asshole ran into me, spilling my drink all over myself. I was fucking pissed. Peters and Me decided to smoke a cig, and some cunt told us that if we were gonna smoke, we had to take the shirts off. We told her to fuck off and then rolled out. We headed over to this bar called The Swamp and started drinking “Swamp Juice”(7 shots of different Bacardi flavors and pineapple juice). As we were boozing there, we ran into some dude that was wearing a shirt the said, “I have the dick, so I make the rules” and we started to talk to him. We decided that we needed some food so we head over to some pizza place. After we ate, Peters and I ordered 20 beers for 10 bones and got back to work. We got the waitresses number, pounded our beers and headed back to Chuck’s place. Soon after, everyone else got back and brought a few bitches with them. I mixed a Banana Congac and we all hit the hot tub. I decided to do back flips on the trampoline while smoking and almost busted my ass. For some reason these sluts freaked out because Derek was gonna fuck one of them and they left. We headed out for the bar, but not before checking our B.A.C. They ranged from .01 to ME. When I blew, the thing just read HOT (above a .35) and wouldn’t give me a god damn number. I tried several more times, but still no luck. We ended up at some bar, but I have no idea what or where it was. I don’t really remember much after that. Derek and I dance with some fag for free shots and he was fucking pissed. I pushed him to the side and headed to the bar. I guess we headed to two other bars after that, but that is news to me. All I know is, after the bar closed I found everyone else and had some battle wounds. Cut elbow, cut hand, fucked up pants, and still a fucking Hot B.A.C. On the bright side, its 12:30 Saturday and we are about to leave for Miami. I finally got a reading on the breathalyzer, .21. I guess I have a high tolerance.

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