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Day 8

Written by Kid Bacardi

          So we woke up at about 10 and got ready to head off the boat to Jamaica. With in 5 minutes of getting off the boat, I had a drug buffet at my disposal. I decided to get some shrooms from some dude and talked him down to $20 for Smokin’four giant caps. We kept walking around, and for some reason I was the only one getting hassled to buy drugs. I guess I look like a “party guy”. We ended up running into this seedy ass guy that told us that he would take us to a marijuana field and then to the falls. We jumped in his van and headed out, but first he had to go pick up his stash from some bush around the corner. We headed out on this crazy ass road up a mountain and through the rainforest. On the way we stopped at some fucking cave that this guy had lived in his whole life. He staggered out, joint in hand, and asked us if we needed any smoke. We all once again declined the offer and off we went. We finally come up to some dirt road and head down that. The guy pulls over and says that we are at the pot farm. We get out and follow him down a pass. We start seeing corn, cabbage, and tomatoes. In the middle of the garden were about 10 plants that were all of 3 feet tall. So the pot farm was a huge let down and then the farmer wanted some money for showing us his shit. We tossed him a fiver and headed to the falls. When we got there the driver told us that he would be back for us in and hour or so and since we hadn’t paid him yet, we knew he would be back. The falls were cool for about 15 minutes. It was one of those been there done that things. After climbing around for a while and taking pictures, we head back to find our driver. On the way back to the parking lot, they route you through a maze of shitty Jamaican shops were they tried to sell you anything that they could to get your money. We decided that we were gonna go to Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville for food and booze. I started eating my shrooms and washing them down with booze. There was this dude runnin around with one tooth making these crazy ass birds out of leaves or some shit. I tried to get a picture with him but he was having none of it. They ended up having some hot body contest and some how all the girls in it were like 17. In the end some how the crowd cheered for the fat girl, but the announcer made the executive decision to give the crown to the hot girl. I was starting to catch a body buzz from the shrooms so Peters and I headed back to the ship. On the way back we ran into one of those fake tattoo carts and decided that we need some sweet tattoos. There was a little girl there with her dad and I asked the lady doing the tattoos if she could write obscene shit on me. She said yeah, so I asked the girls dad to ear muff her. He walked her away and I told the lady that I needed “I FUCK” tattooed on my forearm. Peters ended up getting “BONG MY DICK” on his shoulder blade. After that, we headed back to the boat and saw Tom sitting down by the line smoking a joint. We got on the boat and headed to the sports bar to watch SIU play. I kept drinking and my shroom buzz was in full swing. I found out that it was formal dinner again that night and I really didn’t want to put my suit on. I then discovered that there was a pub crawl on the boat at the same time as dinner, so I made the executive decision to skip dinner to booze. After a while, everyone headed to get dressed for dinner and I head to another bar. Tom was there, and I told him about the pub crawl. He told me that he was in and we decided to tell everyone that we were father and son. We started off at the first bar and decided that we would be drinking Budweiser all night. We started telling people that we were from Manhattan. I was starting to get super fucked and we were all over the place talking to all sorts of sluts. We decided to smoke a joint and that put me over that line. I went from Kyle to fucking crazy real fast. Don’t really remember much after a while. I was telling some guy that was playing the piano that I wanted to sing a song but he didn’t know any songs that I knew the words to. Derek and Bitch showed up and we were all talking to some girls. I guess Tom had to girls sitting on my lap and I was grabbing one of the girl’s tits. She didn’t seem to mind I guess so I stayed at it. I started wondering aroundThat Guy again and was bitching about how much the boat was swaying. Turns out it was just me swaying and I could barely stand up straight. After a while, security escorted Tom and me back to our cabins, because we were entirely too drunk. When I got to my room, Jeremy, Derek, Bitch, and The waste of space girls from North Dakota were all there. I passed out and I guess Bitch was talking shit. I jumped up and jacked him in the face and passed back out all in one motion. I guess he just looked at me and then they all left.

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