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Bar Crawlin'


Written by Kid Bacardi

          So it was another week long bender, starting off with a keg after work on Monday. It was all down hill from there. Tuesday we all skipped class and hit up the spillway, followed by getting destroyed at the softball game. After that I attempted to go to the bar and was incapable of speaking. Wednesday was the usual trip to Pinch but for some reason it was dead so Peters and I ended up pounding Bloody Mary’s at The Cellar. Thursday a bunch of guys went out to St. Louis for the Kegs, the meaning of life Cubs/Cards game and we had a keg over at my place. We got destroyed and destroyed the keg by 12 and then headed to the bar. All in all it was a fairly calm night even though we were all fucked out of our minds.
          Friday was an altogether different story. I was supposed to go home for drill but got out of it and since I had gotten off work, I had the whole day to get fucked up. We wanted to go out to the spillway, but by the time everyone got ready the sky had turned green and the temperature dropped 10 degrees or so. This quickly changed our course of action to getting a keg. For some reason it was like pulling teeth to get people to come over to drink, but soon enough we had a keg dropped in my living room and we all started boozing. As the day progressed more and more people started to show up and the keg quickly dwindled. We had the senior roast and bar crawl that night, and instead of meeting at the house we decided to gather round the keg. People started showing up for that around 5 and we finally got started around 6. We ripped into all the seniors for a while, but quickly got bored once the keg ran dry. We wrapped that that up and head out on the bar crawl. The first stop was Pinch, but for some reason their power was out and they weren’t open yet. We decided to head over to Callahan’s for a few drinks and then go back to Pinch. A few pints of Guinness later we left to go back to Pinch but the fucking power was still out. We decided that we would just skip that and headed over to Sidetracks. We partied there for a while and I met some old dude that had just got back from Iraq. He bought me some shots and I bullshitted with him for a while. The next stop was Stix, but on the way over there Ryan got that “I’m going to fuck people up” look in his eyes. He started wrestling with Super Pledge in the parking lot and the next thing I knew they were rolling around on the ground. We finally got into Stix and by that time I don’t think that anyone was sober. I sure as fuck wasn’t and this was only stop three. Jamie was working at Stix, so my drinks were on her. We started doing shots of god knows what and Ryan started putting people in headlocks and jacking people in the face. I was laughing my ass off because for some reason he never turned in my direction with that bullshit. We headed out of Stix to go to The Hanger. They had a $5 cover and since it was the dirty hippie bar, we decided to just drive back to Pinch. Not sure on the detail of how we got to Pinch, but sure enough we were there boozing in no time. After a while there, Derek, Jeremy, and I headed over to Carboz for the Martini Party. I ran into Stephanie there and ordered a Dirty Martini. As I was sucking that thing down I blacked the fuck out and haven’t been able to recover any information about what happened next. I was told that Ryan was tossed into a cab and sent home. All he could say was “513 Ash”, so they paid the guy extra in case he puked in the cab. They told the cabbie to just take him home and toss him in the yard. I guess it worked out because he ended up bouncing off the walls in the living room with his shirt pulled up over his face. Matt picked him up and put him to sleep on the couch. I guess I ended up coming in shortly after that and then put him in his room. Like I said…I don’t know the details.
          Saturday I woke up feeling like death and wondering how I had gotten home. I decided that I needed food because I didn’t think that I had eaten the day before. Ryan and I headed to the Corner Dinner, picking up Paul and Jesse on the way. I called Peters to see what he was doing and told us to just meet him at Mary Lou’s. Al was in town, so we ate and then had a smoke session. After we smoked for a while we decided that we needed some DQ, so we headed out. Somehow we ended up at GII and started playing pool. As my high started to fade I decided to start drinking. It ended up being just Matt and me at the bar because everyone else was going to the Sig Kapp formal. We started getting plowed and I decided that I needed to go home and change before I got too wrecked. I stopped by the house to pick up my bowl and realized that it was only 5 because people were just starting to pre-drink for the formal. I headed home, showered and changed and I was back at the bar within the hour. We sat there for another hour or two and then Dave called me and told me that people were gonna drink at his house. I headed over there, but Matt stayed behind to hold down the bar. People started to show up at Dave’s and we were all getting destroyed. We played darts for a while and then Dave stood in front of the dart board and tried to catch the darts as I tossed them. He finally caught one, RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FOREARM, and that game was over. Next he decided that his vacuum was a piece of shit and it needed to get burned. He set it on fire and I started drop kicking the thing. After a while I decided that I needed to grab it by the handle and start swinging it around my head, sending flaming plastic all over the place. This soon got old so I decided to head back to the bar. I was about midnight when I got there and the people that had gone to the formal were starting to show up. I sat back at the bar with Matt and continued to get smashed. Not that I really needed to, but we started doing shots again and everything got all hazy. After the bar I head back to my place to pick up something before I headed to after hours. I decided that I needed to sit on my bed for a second, and that was that, I passed the fuck out.


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