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Hand Grenaded


Written by Kid Bacardi

          It all started on Monday. Brian had been in New Orleans over the weekend and flew into St. Louis that night. Scott and I drove out to pick him up, and with a few short detours, we finally made it to the airport. Once we found Brian, we decided that we should go to The Landing for a few drinks. It was fucking dead there, but we figured that we might as well have a drink or two before heading back to C’dale. We went into Fat Tuesday’s and it was just as gay as every Fat Tuesdayother Fat Tuesday’s that I’ve been in (maybe worse because we were in St. Louis). As we sat there having a beer, these two trashy girls walked in and sat next to me at the bar. The first thing they said to me was, “Do you want any acid or shrooms?” Now this is right up my ally, but there was no way that I was gonna buy shit off these dirt bags in a bar in St. Louis. I don’t know the details, but that is even high risk for me. As they kept talking to me, we found out that they were driving around the country on some sort of drug dealing road trip. The one bitch was K’ed out of her mind and kicking back shots of Crown. They finally left and we just kept drinking. As we were about to leave some people got caught banging in the bathroom and on that note we were out. I wasn’t wasted, but definitely shouldn’t have been driving home, but fuck it, I had work in the morning. As we pulled up in Carbondale at about 3 I decided that work was not an option and passed the fuck out.
          Tuesday I woke up around noon and headed over to see if I could get my hair cut. I scheduled an apointment for 2:45. On the way home, I decided that the Spillway was on deck for the day. I called up the usuals and we decided that about 1 we would all be ready to roll. Peters had brought back 2 bottles of hand grenade mix from New Orleans, so we decided that we were gonna take one down. Now for those of you who are unfirmilar with hand grenades, They are the “Most Powerful Drink on Bourbon Street.” Once the mix and booze are combined the result is 65 proof. Now, that is 1 gallon of mix plus a fifth of Everclear, and Brian and I decided that we were gonna take the whole thing down. That’s half a bottle of Everclear each, you do the math. So we all meet at my place and off we are to the Spillway. Everyone else grabs beer and its on to the top of the waterfall. When we get up there, Brian and I mix our booze and getMost Powerful to pounding. After about three refills, we were drunk. The sun beating down on us was definitly adding to the effect. We were all just chillin, getting wasted and tossing the football around. After a while I couldn’t stand up anymore so I confiscated some girl’s towel so I could lay down while still pouring booze down my throat. I must have fell asleep, because the next thing I knew, somebody was trying to take my booze. I popped up in a rage, but as drunk as I was, I only managed to lose my balance and stumble down the hill. When I finally caught my balance, I was about a foot and a half away from falling in the water. I did manage to salvage my booze and we decided that it was about time to move this mix over to my place. When we got back, we kept going. I hadn’t eaten anything yet so I decided to order a pizza. Brian and I were fucking shit rocked1, and as I waited for my food, the booze started to drain. After I ate, Brian and I polished the grenadeds off and we both passed out. It was about 8 and we were fucking done. We woke up around 11 and I fell when I tried to get out of bed. He decided to the bar, but I was so shit faced still that I knew I had to sleep that shit off so I could go to work in the morning. I passed the fuck out and still felt like hell when I woke up the next day to go to work.


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