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Who the Fuck is Mike Jones?

Written by Kid Bacardi

          As I was fuckin around wasting time the other day, I came across a site with some hot ass webcam girls on it. These bitches are on some raw ass shit, so check them out today. Speaking of hotties, check out Adriana, and add her to the spank bank. I just got my “I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS”, this may not sound like my style, but when you see the bitch stipping on the shirt it all comes together. Check out this and other shirts here. Keep on sending us your drunken stories. Although I still feel like an alcoholic, it’s not quite as bad as I thought. Plus if your wow me I’ll send you a free t-shirt. What is there to lose? Who is Mike Jones On another note, I want to remind everyone that summer is almost over so it is time to pull out all the stops. What better way to ease the pain of going to classes again, then by getting fucked in half by a bottle of absinthe? Granted this is only a temperary escape, but for fuck sake it’s worth it. The last thing I want to touch on before I get into the mix is Mike Jones. Are you for real? I think we all know your name, now lets move on. Shit if I got some people to drop me a beat I could come out with his album. Secondly, what’s up with your number dude? When did rocking your cell number on your shirt turn into a good idea. I know the shit is fake, but shit, what the fuck was the point?
          Last weekend we Greek Weekend, which means it was gonna be a “Drink until you fall” weekend. The week kinda dragged along till Thursday night when some of my boys started to show up. Dylan, his boy, and Neil showed up early Thursday morning so they were ready to party Thursday night. We all met up at pinch and got down. Later that night, Brad and Oleg show up and we all just get destroyed. The highlight of the night was when some dumb bitch came up to me and asked me what my shirt ment. We all looked at each other in amazement, it was self explanitory. I asked her if her I.Q. was 30 and this bitch fires back, “no, it’s 32”. Well this fucking shut me the fuck up due to the fact that, “Wow this bitch is real dumb was all I could think.” Some how, this turned into, “my SAT score was 34”. This really puzzled me so I just let them walk before I got any dumber than I already am. I ended my night at about 1 because I had to go to work in the morning. I woke up at 9, 2 hours late for work, and decided that I was gonna call in sick to work because I had been “up all night throwing up due to some bad chicken”. This was no problem so I just went back to sleep. I finally got back up around 12 and was ready to go to the Spillway. We all met up at the house around 1 and headed out. After about an hour and a half of boozing, Dylan finally showed up in his boat. Sircher, Carrot, Simon, and I all swam out and jumped on the boat. We cruised over to the cliffs and all jumped in the water and kept drinking. We were all floating on life jackets so that we could float and drink at the same time. After a while Dylan and Carrot went to jump off the cliff. They went up about 40 feet and jumped. It looked fun, but didn’t seem like something that I could pull off with out spilling my beer, so I opted to stay put in the water. Dylan figured that it would be a good call to go ge the rest of the guys from the shore and bring them out to where we were, so he tossed us all some beers and left us floating in the middle of the lake. People would cruise by and look at us like we were crazy, but fuck them, we had enough beer to chill there for a while. We started heckleing passign boats, and basically just being “Those Guys”. Dylan showed back up with everyone else and things just got rowdier. We all just floated and partied till the beer was about to run out and then headed back to the shore to drink what was left there. By this time, we were all fried and just chilled in the shade. We headed out for one last spin in the boat to smoke a bowl and then we decided to leave. Oleg, James, Sircher, and I headed to the Chinese Buffett to get something in our stomachs. After we ate, we headed back to the house, smoked some more and then headed home to shower. It was hot as fuck out, so even after showering, we were covered in sweat again but ready to keep drinking. We headed back to the house to get everything in order for the party at Scott’s. I caught wind of a keg that had just been tapped, so me and Simon headed over to Cheerleaders house to booze while everyone else got organized for Scott’s. After about 10 phone calls, I still managed to have to tell everyone exactly what needed to get done. It’s like working with a bunch of fuckin retards. That Fuckin’ Guy They finally got their shit together by 10:30, so we headed over to Scott’s. It was still hot as fuck and everyone was wasted. The dudes next door started getting crazy so we all sat outside and watched them talk shit to each other. After a while we got tired of the heat and headed over to GII to drink in the AC. Don’t really remember too much about that, but I was pounding whiskey and doing my thing. My boss showed up and I started drinking with him and telling him how I just hadn’t felt like going in to work that morning. He laughed and bought me a drink as we kept partying. When the bar closed, I don’t even remember going back to Scott’s for after hours. We mixed there for a while and I guess I was passing out in front of the house. James and Tomas grabbed me to take me home, but when we got there I caught my second or third wind and made them take me back to the party. By the time I got back, people were starting to float to other after hour spots. The next thing I knew, I was back at my place with an apartment full of people checking out the lift tickets. After that mix was over, we all headed back out to another after hours that was still going. At about 5 in the morning as the sun was coming up, we were jumping in a pool and I was doing backflips on a trampoline with a beer in my hand. Shit finally ended around 7:30 and I headed home to try to get some sleep.

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