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Homecoming on the Rocks

Written by Kid Bacardi

          I was checking out some t-shirts online the other day and found a new one that you guys need to check out. It says “Bring Our Troops Home Our Hookers Are Starving”. Check them out here and support the cause. After a long weekend of destroying myself with booze and drugs I decided that I needed to do something new to get fucked up. I decided the best way to switch it up would be to combined the two and conserve time. So grab yourself a bottle of absinthe and drown youself in booze and drugs today.
          It’s that time of year again. All my boys that have graduated or failed out came back down to party balls. Thursday afternoon I decided that I needed to start drinking at 4:30 while everyone was painting the house. Danny, Frank, Brad, Ricky, and Bird were headed down that night so I wanted to be in good shape once they showed up. Danny and Frank showed up around 9:00 after stopping to get booze. They instantly joined me in getting fucked up. We boozed for a while, smoked some, and just basically hang out waiting for more people to show. Brad, Ricky, and Bird showed up around 11:00 or so and they jumped right into the mix as well. Lift tickets soon surfaced and I knew that I was in for a good weekend. Skiing By this time there were quite a few people hanging out and getting fucked up, but nothing that interesting was going on so Brad and I hit the bar. There were a bunch of other people that decided to show up Thursday so we just hung out and bullshitted most of the night. We took a few trips back to my place for one reason or another and kept the mix going. Everyone was drinking their fucking asses off and the bar was packed as fuck. Once the bar closed, we headed back up to the house and kept on drinking. We hit up a couple of “after hours” but nothing was really going off. We ended up at my apartment hitting the slopes and wondering why nobody else was as fucked up as we were. Then it hit me, it was Thursday and most people actually felt like they had responsibilities to take care of on Friday. I however said fuck that and had taken off work and class for Friday weeks ago. Things started to wind down around 8:00 and I caught about twenty minutes of sleep before getting up at 8:30 and drinking again.
          After a few wake up calls, I was back at it. It’s amazing how well beer goes down after twenty minutes of sleep. All afternoon people came and went. The strong drank with us, while others bitched about it being too early. In my opinion, any day that you start drinking before noon is a good day. As the afternoon rolled on more and more people decided that they were gonna start pounding. We decided to play bags and James and I decided that we were gonna own the boards. We played all afternoon until it got dark. There were multiple beer runs and slope breaks and by the time I was done playing, there was almost a full out party going on in the house. By 9:00 the party was in full swing. There was booze everywhere, and with every group of people that showed up more booze came right along with them. I was pounding Bud and taking pulls of Jack and was speeding towards fucked out of my mind. I started coming in and out of black outs and soon headed to the bar. I don’t really know the details from the bar but I do know that I ran into a bunch of people that I knew. At some point in time I was so fucked up that some dude said “what’s up” to me and I just stood there not even noticing him. I guess this pissed him off because he got in my face and I still paid him no fucking mind. I’m still not sure how it happened, but later on in the night I noticed that I was walking around with one broken sandal. Somehow I managed to walk around like this for the rest of the night. Once the bar closed we all headed back up to the house. Once I got there I realized that my foot was bleeding like a bitch and I had a nice gash on my toe. After getting cleaned up and grabbing another pair of sandals, my boy showed up with some rolls. I decided to pop one and then Sam and I headed to one of his guy’s house to grab some lift tickets. We go there and some dude told me that I should leave before I get my ass beat. Sam and I looked at each other and just walked past him into the house. I guess the kid that I didn’t say “what’s up” to at the bar was there. We grabbed what we needed and headed back to my place. On the way back, the girl that had come down to go to homecoming with me called looking for a ride. I grabbed one of my boys who had worked late and wasn’t fucked up yet and went to get her. We headed back to my place and finally broke out the slopes. Around 4 or 5 my neighbor pounded on my door and yelled at us for being too loud. Fuck him. At about 9:00 I decided that I should catch some sleep, just as I was about to pass out the parade started. All I could hear was marching bands and other bullshit going on outside my place. After about 20 minutes of this shit I decided to just get up. I went next door and everyone was there and drinking again.
          The girl that I had been hanging out with woke up and wanted to go home to clean up. I was in no shape to drive so I just gave her my car and told her to bring it back whenever. After the parade, we all started to get ready for the party that afternoon. I collected money for booze. Letters and John went to get the keg. The Hand Grenade Mix showed up. The handles and ice showed up. The last thing we needed was something to mix this shit in. After getting 2 5 gallon coolers, I mixed the booze. The Hand Grenades were made first and quickly taped into. The Hurricanes were made soon there after. Everyone was getting super fuck up again. The second batch of Hand Grenades was getting low so I decided that I need to start beer bonging that shit. This led to everyone bonging Hand Grenades and Hurricanes. I had busted out the 720 Mardi Gras Breads that I bought and the booze was really starting to flow. Some dude got so fucked up that he fuckin pissed himself. Another kid tripped over one of the bag boards and busted his head open. I was a fucking mess and started to get rowdy. People were getting pissed at me (what else is new) so I decided to head home to catch a power nap before dinner. It was about 5 and dinner was at 6:30 so I passed out for a while. I woke up to my boy yelling at me to get up. My date was there and fucking pissed. Apparently the tags on my car were expired and she had gotten pulled over. She got out of the ticket, but wasn’t too happy to find me passed out at 7 when dinner was at 6:30. Now to me, most people I know wouldn’t be surprised by this. On the Rocks Bitch I got ready in 5 minutes and was still wasted out of my mind. We got to dinner and I went to order drinks. It took damn near twenty minutes to get my drink and I was pissed. Once I grabbed drinks I headed to the table and looked at what everyone was eating. It took me 2 seconds to realize that there was no fucking way that I was gonna be able to stomach food in my current condition. I instead opted to start drinking Knob Creek on the rocks. Dinner was a fucking drunken haze and my boy kept ordering runs of shots. I ended up drinking myself sober and being even more pissed off than earlier. My date dipped out on me so I headed home to change and got to the bar. I passed out for another hour or so and then went up to the bar. It was packed again and with all of the damage I had done to my body over the weekend I decided that I need to drink myself into a comma. After a few stiff whiskey and cokes I was back to where I needed to be. After the bar closed I decided that the best thing for me to do was to get some fucking sleep, so I called an early night and passed the fuck out. The weekend ended up being a three day party with limited sleep driven strictly by booze. When I woke up on Sunday I felt like I had gotten my ass beat all weekend and the thought of booze made me want to kill somebody. I decided to take the day off but God knows that I was back at it on Monday.

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