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Fuck USC!

Written by Kid Bacardi

          First off I want to let everyone know that I have made the New York Times. You can check the article out here. I found my new favorite t-shirt today. It says “If this is on your floor tomorrow…we totally fucked”. Anyone that needs a good way to get fucking destroyed check out a bottle of absinthe.
          This weekend was kinda slow. We started, as usual, on Thursday night with a mix at Huff’s house. For some reason bottles of vodka were getting passed around like joints. Everyone was taking heavy slugs from the bottles and getting as fucked up quick. I found a bottle of Bacardi Limon and started chugging that shit. By the time we headed to the bar, everyone was blitzed. Once we got there, I started pounding whiskey as usual. Everyone was so fucked up that it turned into a drunken mess. Many people, me included, left the bar early. Back at the house, there were people passed out on the floors, couches, and other random spots. It was a fucking disaster area. The whole first floor looked like Katrina had hit (minus the water). The most memorable event had to be when some kid pissed himself on the couch and then tried to suck on some chicks tits. Since I had work in the morning, I decided that I needed to pass the fuck out.
          Friday after work, I ran into Scala as I was getting home. We decided that we need to start boozing. Nobody else was around, so we started looking up drinking games that we could play while watching movies. We stumbled upon a game for Family Guy and since Scala had the first 3 seasons on DVD, we decided to give it a try. Victory Is Mine Lets just say that after the first episode, I had finished 4 beers (with no commercials each episode is only about 15-20 minutes). As this was going on, Tomasz, Ervis, and Huff came over to join us. It was Ervis’s birthday and he was acting like a little bitch. He was passing out and complaining about having to drink. 1 minute into the second episode, we had to pound 3 beers (due to the rules). This got us to the point were we needed to chill for a while. I smoked a bowl and then decided that I wanted to go to the Chinese Buffet. Huff, Ervis, Tomasz, and I headed over there and ripped through the place. Once we got back to the house, we found out that we were gonna have a party at Huff’s again, so we sat around and drank for a while, killing time before the party. The kegs showed up around 9 or so and Tony, Scala, and I head over to Huff’s place. We bust out the normal heckling of everyone that we pass on the way over there and probably pissed some people off. Oh well, fuck them. When we got to the house, we all grabbed cups and started playing flippy cup. Most of us were already fucked up, so nobody’s game was really up to par, so we just kept playing and getting more fucked up. A bunch of girls started showing up and we started playing “Battle of the Sexes” flippy cup. As the night dragged on, a bunch of us decided to smoke and then head to the bar. I don’t really remember shit about the bar. I know I was there, I know I was a mess, other then that I don’t know much about anything. The Miler Lite Girls where there and there was some game going on upstairs to win some kind of a prize. They talked Tom and me into going up and playing. They had a wheel that you had to spin twice, and I’m not sure how, but I won a beanie. After that I did some shots, and stumbled around the bar for a while and went home.
          I woke up Saturday morning with a spike in my head and had to go do some bullshit ass fund raising. The ND/USC game started at 2:30, and when we didn’t get to the bar till 4:00 I was fucking pissed. The good news was ND was Up 21 to 14 at halftime, so I was amped. As the game progressed, I was pounding Killian’s and we were sucking down Irish Car Bombs. When the game ended and USC pulled it out on some fucking bullshit we were all pissed as fuck. Big Pimpin’ FUCK USC! We headed back to the house to start pre-drinking, even though we were all fucked up already. We decided that a bar crawl was the way to go, so we headed over to Callahan’s to get started. After a drink there, we headed over to the Cellar for Bloody Mary’s. From there we rolled over to PK’s, but only James, Rich, and I stayed for a drink. After that we said fuck the rest of the bars, it was 12:00 and we were headed to GII. There were a bunch of people over there already and we got right back to work. Some girl had a set of hand cuffs, and one of the cuffs was closed on her wrist. The other one was open, so I slapped it on my wrist and said, “I guess you’ll do tonight.” She laughed, and we bullshitted for a while. I talked her into giving me the cuffs and I started walking around the bar cuffing everyone and anyone I wanted to. I came across some Vicodine and popped three on top of everything I had already drank. Katie busted out some Miler Lite gloves with no fingers. For some reason, we each put one on and started “moon walking” around the bar. Once the bar closed, we headed back up to the house and kept partying. I decided that I needed to crush 3 more Vicodine and fucking snort them. No clue where that idea came form, but I had no fucking feeling at all. I finally called it quits around 5 and passed the fuck out. I woke up Sunday morning to find out that I was in The New York Times.

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