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Mardi Gras '06

Written by Kid Bacardi

          Peters and I once again decided that it would be in our best interest to head down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Everyone tried to tell us that it was gonna be weak, but we said “fuck it”. I woke up Friday morning and had a quiz at 1 but I decided to skip that and hit the road. I pulled some pipes before we headed out and everything was going smooth. We had about 8 miles left to drive in Illinois when I got fucked. We hit a speed trap and I got a ticket for going 76 in a 65. It was a shady ass operation, but I was lucky because they didn’t run my ID. If they had my warrents probabaly showed up. and that would have been the end of the trip. Rocking Bourbon Street So there I was, less than 50 miles into the drive, high as fuck, with a $75 speeding ticket. The rest of the drive was uneventful, and we rolled into New Orleans at about 10:30. We parked at the ussual spot right by the Wendy’s on St. Charles. By 11 we were on Bourbon and grabbed Hurricanes for our walk down to Tropical Isle. We fought through the crowd and finally got our Hand Grenades to make it official, we were gonna party balls. We walked around Bourbon for a while to see what was going on and trying to decided what bar to sit at. Dirty Mutha Fucka After a few trips up and down, we decided that Tropical Isle was the best choice. We managed to snake two bar seats and ordered another round. There was a sweet Blues/Jazz band playing and we just chilled for a while after the long day of driving. I headed to the bathroom and while I was in line, I started talking to these girls for New Jersey. They talked me into letting them come in with me to block for them since there were no doors or stalls. After I pissed, I decided that waiting for them wasn’t worth my time so I dipped back to the bar, only to find Peters talking to a bunch of 40 year old ladies form New York. They turned out to be really cool, because they were just ripping on all the people that were too fucked up to function. We started talking to the bartender and were trying to talk her into giving us her Tropical Isle bandana. None of our offers worked, but she was chill so we kept talkin to her. Some guy that could barely walk stumbled up to the bar double fisting Hand Grenades and he instantly became my hero. I tried to talk to him so I could get a picture, but much like his walking, his speech was nonexistant. Only minutes later another older, dirtier guy walked up, but this one could talk. We took pictures of him, making fun of him to his face and he just smiled and drank. The next thing we know, he was getting yanked out by a bouncer. Oh well, sucks to be him. By now we were each about 5 deep and really fucked up.some broad asked us what she should drink and I gave her the obvious answer. She talk some guy into buying her a Grenade, took one sip and it turned into mine. We bullshitted with her for a while, but I really don’t remember anything except that she goes to Wake Forest. Peters And I were quickly aproaching “we need to get the fuck out of here”, so we grabbed a cab and called it a night.
          Around 10, the car started to get too hot to sleep any more so I wake and baked and we headed to Popeye’s. Peters got some food and I rehydrated myself. After he ate, we headed back down to Bourbon to find a place to watch the SIU game. We decided on Tropical Isle and chilled there through the game. After the game, we walked around for a while just looking for a live place to hang out. It started to rain, so we ended up in “Holler at the Moon”. It was a pretty cool place with a machanical bull. Even though they played mostly country music it was chill. While we were sitting there pounding Budweisers this dirty ass dude comes in looking extra trashy. As usual, we start talking to him so we can get a picture. He started telling us how he hitch hiked from Maine and he’s racist as fuck. He just kept on talking to us so we started to try to figure out how we were gonna get rid of him. Crazy Bitch While we are trying to come up with a plan, a plan presented itself. Some broad was on the dance floor and was obviously a stripper. All the guys in the bar turned their attention to her. After about a song and a half, her boyfriend walked up and started yelling at her for being a slut. Eventually he dragged her out of there. We figure that was that, but 5 minutes later she showed up topless on the bull. As we moved in for a closer look (video), we realized that she was satan, She was wasted as fuck and looked like she wanted to eat people. Her nasty ass didn’t keep our attention long so we decided to head back to the car to get changed for the night. Once we got back to Bourbon, we decided that we better eat before we start getting too fucked up. We rocked some bad ass jumbalia and then went to Utopia. Shortly after we got there, the Bacardi Girls showed up with a midget. They gave out a bunch of shit and danced on stage for a while. The Captain Morgan Girls showed up next (who promotes two different rums in the same night). They didn’t bring a midget with them so they were way less interesting. Utopia started to get gay, so we headed to Tropical Isle. I started getting Grenaded again and we just bullshitted with people for the rest of the night. Nothing much really stood out, but we did meet some fucker that looked like a cheap ass Bono or Bon Jovi (still haven’t decided which). I blackedout at some time and found myself smoking in the car leaving New Orleans and then passed the fuck back out.

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